Turning Pain into Power

Did you know that the brain experiences emotional pain the same way it does physical pain?

I don’t know what you are going through right now, but either because of something that happened in your past or because of the pandemic today, I am sure you have experienced some powerful emotions. Maybe sadness, anger, fear, disgust, anxiety, etc.

Emotional pain comes from unresolved emotions and it is important to learn what to do about it. Since the brain doesn’t like pain, it automatically turns to what I call “coping mechanisms” to hide from or relieve the pain. What starts as distractions like video games, binge-watching, or eating, may escalate into more mind-numbing behaviors like drugs, alcohol, and pornography. You may even turn to violence and suicide.

This is why it is important to learn, right now, how to understand and acknowledge your emotions. Once you do, you will have power over them.

My Emotional Pain

As I share my story, pay attention to how you think and feel. These realizations will be important in your path to overcoming your own emotional pain.

As you read my story, don’t compare and think, “That was no big deal” or “Oh my! That is so much worse than mine!” Rather, see how we can relate. Our experiences may not be the same, but we may relate in how we have felt.

When I was 9 or 10 years old, I was in elementary school and we had just finished playing dodgeball for PE. I have always loved sports and have a natural talent for most sports. My friends were starting to notice my talent and I started to really care what they thought of me.

On the way back to class, my friends were laughing about something. Naturally, I wanted to be a part of the fun so I asked them what was so funny.

They told me to raise my arms.

So I did.

And my friends laughed even harder.

I looked down and realized that I had extremely sweaty armpits.

Now you might think, “What’s the big deal? You just got out of a dodgeball game. Of course you were sweating.” Yes, but I was still getting to know my body and didn’t know I sweat like that. It must have been more than others or why would my friends laugh about it?

As I was beginning to look good in front of my friends and cared about what they thought of me, I was caught in an embarrassing situation regarding something I had no control over. I felt humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed, scared, and uncomfortable. My friends reacted in ways that I didn’t like. They laughed at me. They said it was gross and disgusting.

I began to think that I was gross – that I was disgusting.

Sweating was something I couldn’t control and I experienced how others reacted to it. Because it was a part of me, that must have meant there was something wrong with me!

This event scarred me that day. I didn’t know what to do in that moment. I didn’t want to relive all those feelings, so I didn’t tell anyone about it. Not even my mom knew!

“Ok, fair enough. But is it really such a big deal? Wasn’t it a one-time event?”

I have what is called, “hyperhidrosis,” or excessive underarm sweat. Since that embarrassing event, I have tried to go through life and hide this part of me. I try to be successful in many things so that people can see me and think, “Wow, he is so great!” But a close friend of mine told me that I keep people at arm’s length. True! I didn’t want people to get close enough to possibly discover a part of me that I have no control over and I am not proud of. Why would they want to hang out with me if they knew this part about me? I do not want to go through that pain again.

How I Overcame My Emotional Pain

A year or two ago, I was working with my therapist and decided to tell him about my emotional pain. I had tried to hide this part of me for 20 years, so I went into that conversation very defensive and ready for him to laugh at me or think I was disgusting.

But after I told him that story he didn’t treat me any differently.

My brain was going crazy saying, “Wait, you aren’t going to laugh? You don’t think I am gross or disgusting?”

My therapist did something extremely helpful. He helped me reprogram my brain and rewrite my memories.

You see, emotional pain lasts so long because the brain connects memories to emotions and pain. If we experience something traumatic, the brain tries to hide it or numb it because it hasn’t been able to relieve it. If we trigger anything related to that experience, all the memories and emotions can flood open and overwhelm us. The only way to overcome that is to do what therapists call “reassociation.”

The brain has learned that x = y. If x happens, y will happen. If I go to a game night and someone discovers my hyperhidrosis, they will laugh or be disgusted and I will be embarrassed. I then try to cope with all those emotions in my old ways.

My therapist helped me reprogram my mind by telling me to close my eyes and imagine I went back to my 10 year old self right after this event by the gym had occurred. I would take him to a safe place and tell him, “You just experienced something really hard and you have every right to feel the way you do. But I want you to know that it is over. You are loved. And you are going to accomplish some amazing things in your life.”

When my therapist told me to tell myself that, my brain said, “Bologna! I can’t lie to myself! It isn’t over and why in the world would anyone love me?” But as my therapist had me repeat this exercise a few times, he helped me experience the emotions I had been suppressing all those years and since I got them out I could reprogram my brain.

That experience is no longer traumatic for me.

I have learned to turn that memory from a ghost that haunted me into an ancestor that I can learn from.

Because I now understand and acknowledge my emotions, I have power over them. If you would like to turn your pain into power, please connect with me and we can set up a free strategy call.

Blog Post Written By: Ben Eden

Email: ben@benedenspeaks.com

Website: www.benedenspeaks.com

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