Creative Kidz Community

Does anyone feel like you had all of these amazing parenting ideas before you had kids… and then you had kids… and it all went in a different direction?

My daughter Payton is almost six years old, and I can’t tell you the number of times I have said, “I swore I would never do that!”. Being a mom is something I always dreamed of. I have always loved kids, and I knew exactly how I would raise mine. And so I thought!

And so it began. We prepared the most loving, beautiful space for our daughter to come home to. A lavender and white room, decked out to the nines in Pottery Barn bedding and accessories. We knew she would be in our room in a bassinet for at least the first few months. Little did we know what was to come. Payton decided very early on that she was going to stay in our room and there was literally nothing we could do to get around it. I was adamant that I would sleep in a marital bed with my husband and our precious little girl would comply and settle herself into her cozy crib in the room next door. Nope! She decided she would lie in between us, or on us, or one of us could just go sleep somewhere else so she could stretch out. We even hired a sleep doula and paid her to remind us, that Payton is not trainable… but guess what? We are! I spent $400 to learn that my daughter was going to do what she wanted and wasn’t going to back down.

This was an eye opening experience for me. I learned that there were certain things as a mom that I can control and certain things that I can’t. And as Payton has continued to grow and develop into the most amazing little girl, she has proven this to me again and again. Now, just to be clear, I don’t see this as a negative thing. Rather, it has taught me how to really explore what is important to me, what isn’t, and when it is ok to let things go, or when I need to be firm because it is in the best interest for our family. The more research I did on kids sleeping with their parents, the more information I found to support that allowing your little ones to sleep with you, actually allows them to feel safe and comfortable… which ultimately helps them to develop into more independent, more confident young adults.

Payton leads me in her own direction all of the time. I have signed Payton up for countless activities. Some of them she asks for, others I just think will be a good fit. As a former gymnast, I was so excited to bring my kid to gymnastics as soon as she was old enough. When she was 3, she joined the competitive program. This requires an extreme amount of structure and rule following. After 2 months of taking Payton to the gym, and her pleading with me not to go, I finally realized this wasn’t going to work. While I loved being in the gym, this was for sure not “her” thing. And that’s when we found musical theatre. This couldn’t be a better fit for my kid. She sings beautifully and melts our hearts. Even being on the stage brings out a character with such passion and presence. This is right up her alley! I absolutely love that she has found a place where she is happy and shines. I wouldn’t imagine being one of those parents who pushes their kids in a direction that works for them… regardless of how their kids feel.

Sometimes it’s ok to parent with respect to what your kids need, rather than doing what you think is right in that moment. Sometimes it’s ok to let them lead you in a direction that is not typical or what many others would see as “right”.

Perhaps some of you are thinking that I let my kid run the show. From the very beginning I saw Payton as her own person, with her own opinions. I have always spoken to her the way I would want to be spoken to, and never talk down to her. My daughter has a huge personality and very strong ideas and opinions for a five year old. I would feel like I’m doing her a disservice if I didn’t allow her to develop into the caring, passionate, chatty, adorable little monkey that she is. So, I’m ok with letting certain things go in a different direction sometimes… if it means that it adds joyfulness and growth to this little person that is flourishing in front of my eyes every day.

Happy Parenting,

Laurie